26/02/2012

It had been a long time I didn't update this blog, well nothing to write exactly...

Almost half a year I had been working in TM Brickfield...Well, I'm glad to be assigned at site office as I should my life over there is quite happy...

The way I see the working environment at 9th floor is a bit zombify...While the site office is a bit more lively...I think it is due to boss doesn't really care what noises we made, as long as we get the job one then that's it...But still the projects is a bit behind schedule anyway...

Get to know a lot of people, and will definitely miss them so much once they leave and I have to go back to 9th floor...The laughter and fun, even just for a while but atleast it gives me some reason to laugh, in this darkness world...

I wonder how many more year God permit me to live, just hope that HE doesn't give me more pain to live with....

08/08/2011

I'm thinking...

It will be the best if I'm not getting married...Oh and before that ever get a girlfriend...

Curse from the parents towards his son...Is always the one that will worked...And seriously the way I look at it...Even though they will not work they will just come as retribution towards me anyway...

As I mentioned before...How useless I am...

I guess seriously it is best to abandon all hope anyway...

Well, atleast adding one more reason for not being hopeful may make me easier to REALLY give up after all...

After 3 months, yet the tone of the post still the same...Seriously a prove that my life is just in a bad cycle...Now stay in my home? Just make it worse...From a bad cycle to a worse cycle...

Nice one, God!

02/05/2011

I always love to listen to sad songs...That doesn't mean I hate to listen to those happy tuning songs...Just that those kind of songs seriously not suited to my mood...

This songs...Most of the lyrics really hit me hard...Coz they are so true...

I wonder how many more coldness I have to face in this human life...

I already so tired to move on...

I know...God only knows what is best for me and what is not...But why I feel so sad when everytime I lost those that are not mine?

让软弱的我们懂得残忍
God let us who are weak to know about cruelness

狠狠面对人生每次寒冷
Make us severely facing every coldness of human life

依依不舍的爱过的人
Reluctant to give up on the person we so loved before

往往有缘没有份
But everytime is just a failure

谁把谁真的当真
Who treat who with real hearts?
谁为谁心疼　谁是唯一谁的人
Who is sad because of who? Who is whom only one?

伤痕累累的天真的灵魂
The pure soul that is full with wounds

早已不承认还有什么神
Already not believe anymore in God

美丽的人生　善良的人
The beautiful life...The nice human...

心痛心酸心事太微不足道
Heart aches...Sadness...Words...All are small matters...

来来往往的你我遇到
相识不如相望淡淡一笑
When I meet you in the crowd of people
Is better to just smile at each other and walk away than to know each other...

忘忧草　忘了就好
Forget-Me-Not...Is better to forget...
梦里知多少
Only remember it when in the dream...

某天涯海角　某个小岛　某年某月某日某一次拥抱
That place...That island...That hug on that year, that month and that day

青青河畔草　静静等天荒地老
The silent grasses beside the river...
Waiting patiently for forever...

When can I find a real Forget Potion?
T^T

28/04/2011

Finally...

24 years old le...

If all proceed successfully, then I can start my working life and start to save my money le...For myself, for my parents, and also my future family (Even though just a small possibility for my family part but meh...)

I must be totally abnormal...Other people which same age as me still so young and want to try more but me already want to retired already...Coz too tired with everything...

突然想起那一年夏天
Suddenly thought of the last summer

傷心告別過一個人　眼淚滴進了蜜豆冰
Said bye bye sadly to a person Tears droped into Ais Kacang

許多年後同樣一碗冰
After so many years the same Ais Kacang

我和我遺忘的心情　我們最愛的角落裡
Me and my forgotten mood
Our favorable corner

每次想起　不知該笑還是嘆息
When every time I thought of it
I don't know whether I should laugh or sigh...

那宿命　不宿命　承諾的人　在哪裡
The fated, not fated, Promised Person
Where is She?

＊意外的搭上列車　意外的來到這裡
Take the train of fate accidentally
Coming to here accidentally

　意外給我這樣命運
Fate have been given to me accidentally

　漫遊過天地　渺小的悲和喜
Journeyed though the sky and earth
Tiny little Sadness and happiness

　意外的愛一個人　意外的一段美麗
Love a person accidentally
A beautiful story accidentally

　意外讓我傷透了心
All these accident hurt my heart

　我還是感激　誰帶我體驗過　最美的風景
But I still thankful
Those whoever have make me experienced
The most beautiful view

擦肩而過萬千的生命
Thousand of humans that just crossed my shoulders

上一秒他是路人甲　下一秒撞進生命裡
The second she is nobody
The next second she bump into my life

慢慢學會不追問原因
Slowly and slowly, learned not to ask for reasons

人間有多少的遺憾　就會有多少的驚喜
How many sadness in this world
Then how many surprise you will get

蠟燭吹熄　不知願望該怎麼許
有期待　會不會　有更精采的劇情
Blow out the candles
But don't know what to wish

Have expectation
Whether there will be any more exciting stories waiting for me

Happy Birthday to me~

01/04/2011

I don't want to stay with parents anymore!

我要搬出去！

I want to move out!

I rather staying alone!

我宁愿一个人住！

叫我永远不回家也没关系！

Don't know what to put here...

Seriously I really don't know what to put as title...

Have said this before but now I really realize that the more older I am, the more I can't take all these anymore...

Parents constant nagging really make my life even worse...As if my life is not enough bad already...

Seriously if TM have a job vacancy at Sabah/Sarawak, I will go there for sure. If that's the only way I can get away from my house...

Nobody will really understand me except Gods, but I don't think HE even see me either to lend me HIS help...

I would rather be not exist at all. Really wonder why God put me down to earth...I'm so tired and really frustrated...

Which religion is true anyway? Each will say themselves are true...

Religion A will says religion B books have these flaws and there, and religion B will says Religion A books have flaws here and there either...

Why life is so difficult anyway?

I rather be a animal...Atleast their life is simpler...

Another loop, Another Constant, Same ending...

I have reach at the end of the loop again...

Constant: Changed.
Process within the loop: Changed.
Testing Variable, which is me : Of coz is the same! Even though it's age is older and older...

Output? Same, which means FAIL.

Impact to the testing variable: Sadness + Disappointment + Feel hopeless to live in this world even more...

Proceed or Stop: Proceed. Till the day CPU malfunctioned.

So here am I again, between the end of the loop and waiting to being forced to go into the loop again. Frankly speaking, I'm so sicked of it. I'm so sicked with my live. I'm so sicked with God coz HE keep on putting me into the loop, no matter how much I disgust and hate about it.

For countless time I feel so hopeless...You see, if I'm allowed to do so, I won't hesitate to just jump down and die away. Yet so many things stopping me...

My parents - Atleast need to serve them till they died. Since they are the one take care of me till now.

My friends - Seriously doubt about this stopping factor. I wonder how many friends will be really sad when I'm gone...

Hell - Ok...This one is the real stopping factor. Because if I take my own life, I sure will be in Hell...

Jeez...So cumbersome...To go into Heaven is so tough...I need to do exactly what God tell me to do...But you know...Too much restriction...

I know how I will be...With my seriously stupid CPU and volatile RAM, I will just stuck as a normal worker forever...Well...If I have to take care of my own family then will be a serious problem cause of no enough money, but since sure I won't have one...So basically I no need to worry that much...Just make sure keep enough money so that I can buy a house that near to beach and also no need to work so much in my old life...

I quite relieved that atleast I already have a vision on how is my own lonely old life will be...If God really take my life away only after I 70++ years old...A house near the beach...Hear the sound of the wave all the time...Plant some vegetables and fruits so that I can earn some pocket money...Waiting for the day I die...Not a bad ending for me isn't it?

I won't know how many more time God want to put me inside the damn loop, but atleast...I have a target...Even though it is so far away...